Character Overviews

Just click on the names to open up blurbs about each character!

Droo is like a sneaky and adorable little mouse. A professional smart ass. Absolutely disgusting. Very quick witted. A dangerous fellow. Spits a lot. Has serious "little brother" syndrome, though he is an only child.

Racine is a true blooded kitchen ninja. Do not fuck with Racine. Master of the Left for Dead sauce. Has a bit of a temper. Mischievous. Makes an unbelievably delicious cheeseburger pizza. I will say it again- Do not fuck with Racine.

Justin is wicked smart. You mess with him, he will get you back tenfold. And he'll make you feel stupid on top of it. Spends a good portion of his life fishing...or at least this is what he leads me to believe.

Evan: AKA Snax. Usually has a mouth full of food. Always dancing. Sometimes he makes Wookie noises. You can't be mad at him- you can GET mad at him, but it's impossible to STAY mad at him.

Leo, the vet. He's seen it all, he's cooked it all. Greek temper, but very lovable (if you happen to be on his good side). A font of information- from what I have gathered, a lot of this information revolves around the specifics of who screwed who over throughout history.

Joe is consistently showing up with new bruises, scratches, and cuts, and rarely knows where they came from. Sweet as hell, quick to laughter; equally quick to punch things. Slightly lost in reality. Focus problems. Coined the motto "Everybody Loves Everybody", though it was in a sarcastic moment.

Mike has the LOUDEST laugh you will ever hear, like a young crazed Santa Clause. Likes to freeze candy bars, and randomly shows up when he is not scheduled to feed us strange chocolate from the Turkish Market and delicious meats from Whole Foods.

Moo- my BFF. Redhead. Extremely keen on reading other people. Currently recovering from vegetarianism. We have a secret language, as most BFFs do, but it's all just meowing. She might look sweet, but she will tear you ten new ones, with just one look. She is the Dr. Dre to my Eminem. We are both great and terrible influences on each other.

Jeremy likes to pretend he doesn't care about shit, but probably cares a small amount. Likes to yell sarcastically, or for real, depending on if he is pissed off or not. Kinda spacey. Likes to fart in my personal space.

Jordan works the BACK back-of-house; essentially he sees what I see, except he has night shift and a better vantage point (from the dish machine). There is a subtle, constant entertainment about him. A simple, honest man with rock star hair.

OMG, HOT! She's short, lovely, thoughtful, and often has encounters of the accidentally hilarious kind. I think Trish worries a little too much, but it does seem that she giggles in proportion.

Not Deshawn or Dushaw- D.Shaw. Generous, moody, particular, genuine, goofy, sweet. He's been known to tell people they look pretty, even when they know they do NOT look pretty. His one major flaw- liking DMB.

Em is the character based on myself. She is a hard worker, she is a pervert, she is a small child taking in the awe of the world. She tries to balance everything out with humor...sometimes the darker it gets, the funnier she becomes. It's a defense mechanism. Also, she hates scones just as much as I do in real life.

G is the 'good' part of Em. An external extension of the sweet side that often gets ignored, dissed on, and even tortured...but still it thrives. G has "inner child" like qualities- very innocent, generous, gullible, and curious.

B is the 'bad' part of Em. The tangible mirror character to G, B is the slave driver, the smart ass, the cynic. Has absolutely NO trouble thriving, and in fact needs to be humbled quite often, but seems to take it well. Major douchebag tendencies.

Em's cat, her constant companion. A murderous, beastly, sharp and prickly, lovey face food eating machine. Also her jobless, filthy, hairy, slightly creepy, lazy roommate.

Tronado/Tronald Dump/Old McTronald/Tronasaurus Rex/MegaTron/Tronathan/Tronzilla

About Caleb

Orange Bear
Orange Bear- Rescued from the garbage by Evan, Orange Bear is the Kitchen Imp. He's a weird Halloween decoration from some long-closed Spencer's-like establishment. Poor guy. He's happy at home with the rest of the crew of misfits, though. Definitely good at cheering people up. Likes spicy food and beer.

All images © Emily White 2012.

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